About the founder

Now she lives in her own world of worries. Most of the time she talks about how her stomach growl, her intestines grind against the gastric lining and the hunger pang that never seems to go away. Not to mention the constant reminder to the family members how her feet feel warm in one instance and turn cold in another. Arthritis also get the better of her. Her limping condition, resulted from the deformed joint, frustrates her once in a while and she will vent it out on her family members scolding them for no reasons. These child-like behaviours goes on umpteen times in a day.

Her son who is closest to her receives the brunt of it aside from her husband. There are many times in the public when he has to bear the loud insulting comments when her frustration acts up. He thought it was very embarrassing and humiliating at first. But he manage to look beyond that as her mum is already suffering and that is the least he can do to help her ~ by being with her. He smiled and moved on. He has grown immune to the stares and glares from the masses and these outdoor trips still continue.

You wonder how I know best. For I am her son.

Many years back

Once, while asleep in her old fashion arm chair, I sat down next to my mom and swept aside her fringe. I saw how time and hardship had left traces on her face. How her hand wrinkled and hair whitened in such a short time after she was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. During that time, she heard voices that were only audible to her. I even thought that she had created those stories about the people around her. I blamed myself for not bringing her to seek treatment earlier. I was simply too preoccupied with my own life. I would eagerly take a cab from my home to my girlfriend's(a few km away), but wouldn't even walk over to the mall (100 metres away) to pack food for my mom. I would work or party and return home late just to find her asleep. And day in day out, time slipped past this way.

My discovery

Some people work all day all night, carving their career, aspiring to be the next higher salaried employee. They hanker the BMW 7 series after they get hold of the 3 series. They ignore their loved ones and focus on their material needs and wants. Some think that they are doing all these for their loved ones' sake ~ to accumulate enough wealth for them to live comfortably.

Enjoying the fruits of labour is one's rights. However, what happens if one is blinded by materials? Neither a highend mobile phone or exquisite IT gadget makes me truly happy for long. After a few months of hype, the novelty dies off. After going through many cycles of chasing after material needs, getting them and aiming for something else, I realise I don't need a lot to be happy. What truly makes me happy or feel light are the thoughts that my life and that of my treasured ones are filled with love. And of course having a fit and healthy body to fulfil the above.

[Ask yourself, What does your family want from you? And what do you expect from them? I hear some common answers from both sides. More quality time together, closer family relationships, more commitment... I bet with my last dollar, you thought you need to provide more money for them. Right?]

After marriage, some start their own family and forget their parents. They claim credit for all their successes. They have forgotten if not for their parents, all these would be simply impossible. They leave the old folks to falter in a one-room "cage". Others even "disown" their sickly parents for fear that they will be dragged down and left behind their peers in terms of wealth and status.

True story
[65 years old Mr Lee's eldest son earns over $10,000 a month but gives no allowance to his dad claiming his huge amount of expenses to cover. Yet junior Lee still manage to travel extensively up to 4 times a year. He still ask for Angbao from his dad during the Chinese New Year. Mr Lee has to drive taxi, a physically and mentally taxing job, to make ends meet.]

...Yet, they grief when their parents/ loved ones are gone. It is always the case how they wished they could do more during their presence. Right? Let's be clear about this. Which company will give you a grand funeral when you work to your death. My guess is you will be forgotten as soon as your replacement comes in. OR when your end comes, will you regret about the incompleted assignment or that district 9 condo that you had failed to possess? I am not discouraging you to work hard or be less ambitious in life. In fact, we must do our part as students, salaried employees or bosses to give our best shot at studies/work and at the same time enrich our lives with challenging goals. The thing here is to recognise though that there are more than that in life. And spending time with your loved ones and loving yourself should be one of your higher priorities.

[According to a Straits Times poll (Singapore) published on 4 April 09, the top regret at death is not spending enough time with loved ones.]

My actions

I don't take family for granted anymore. They are my top priority. I show my love for them whenever I can. I engage in conversations with my father, I listen to my mum's nagging which I know is love showed in another way, I hold her hand and walk her to the mall whenever I have the time or if she asks, I listen to my wife and stop my net surfing whenever she needs a companion to watch her favourite serial drama, I also spent time to play with my dog (Heng Heng) and bathe him every Saturday afternoon. That's a joy ! Whenever I eat a sumptous meal outside, I think of my parents and get some for them if it's suitable. They deserves to be pampered too. (Click here for ways to improve your family relationships)

I setup holdinghands.sg to spread the message of filial piety, the importance of showing love and to be simply happy.

Friends asked, " There are many individuals who are better examples, why spent so much time and money to do this? Who will read this? "

My reply," As long you ponder whatever is written in this website, I am grateful that I have shared and contributed even if there's only one of you."

 

Chin Hock (More on him here)
Founder of Holdinghands

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